Lost and found?

I thought I lost Princess today. She was not too pleased or found it unacceptable or unfathomable that I was still sharing the same bed with my Ex literally until the last day before we went our separate ways.

To all people, including my Ex, that was probably a very strange thing to do even though we were officially over..... Maybe I was too nonchalant about such things but it had never crossed my mind what other people will think. Sigh, sometimes I am probably too "bo chap" about certain things, I guess. I did explain to Princess that we had never done anything out of line but that probably didn't register anyway.......

To be honest, I have never seen her so disappointed before. Even in the worst days, she would probably be more upset than disappointed but I really, really felt the pain in her so much so that I was 100% sure that she will finally leave me. If that were to happen, I really don't know what will I do. I was so worried that I really couldn't concentrate on my work. She expressed herself so strongly in our secret file that I was literally dazed and extremely worried that that was it. Game over......

All that I could do was plead and beg her to judge me on my current ways. There is nothing that I can do to change the past but I hope to be judged on my future behavior. Truly, the failed relationship did play a part to shape my new attitude towards marriage and Princess also taught me a lot of things about building and maintaining a relationship. As such, I did tell Princess that I have been working doubly hard at our relationship to make sure that history does not repeat itself.

Sigh, sometimes Princess scares me. I love her so much that any slightest hint that she is upset or unhappy makes me worried. Honestly, I have been giving it all my best to make sure that she is happy and will never leave me but sometimes I worry that she would still dump me. Talk about insecurity....

But I am extremely happy and relieved that things got better towards the evening. Maybe it's because my pleads worked or she simmered down enough to forgive me. Regardless, I am thankful that things are OK now. Really, I have never felt so afraid thus far in our relationship.

I pray very hard that Princess will never get upset again......