Monday, December 22, 2008

Different life, please

I was hoping that I would be able to blog about the upcoming trip to Malaysia. My first trip ever to Kuala Lumpur..... Thought it would be nice to see a different city, somewhere that I have not been to. Nope..... my life just won't let me, just won't let me.

Every other day I have to feel sorry for myself, asking myself why things have to happen the way they happened. I didn't do anything to the GPS that would have caused the unit to die. I was just playing around with the software. That was all I did.....

Yes, I am unhappy. Yes, I pity myself. Yes, I just feel life is always finding ways to make my life less than optimal. I hate myself. I hate my life. Every time I try to encourage myself and say I am not the worst, something like this had to happen. Yeah, it could have happened to anyone but why on an item that was specially purchased from halfway across the globe? And so near to the day I need to use it? Over-reacting on my part? I don't know. It is not the GPS, it is things in general. Shit had to happen to me.

Still have work and other stuff lurking in the dark and just getting ready to bite me too.

Happy birthday..... Hope life is worth living for the new year....

Monday, December 15, 2008

Depressing December....

I have not blogged for more than a month now. With many things happening around me, just didn't have the energy to blog at all.

First thing on my mind now is definitely the Japanese Language Proficiency Test that I finally set for in early Dec '08. Don't think I will pass but it also made me realise how far I am from ever becoming proficient in the language. It is almost 35 years to the day when I first saw the Japanese language. The Doraemon comics that I saw at Yaohan, was it? The curly language just captivated me and probably unconsciously seeded a desire to learn it one day. That one day was over 15 years when I first signed up for a Japanese language course and since then I have attempted to become proficient in that language without success. Just makes me so sad and disappointed. Good for nothing? Really, simple man simple dreams....... Can't even make the efforts to make this work for myself.

With the month of December drawing to a close soon, the year is coming to an end now. What a lousy and depressing year it has been for me. Work was really stressful where I subjected to numerous situations that really made me feel like resigning on the spot. At its peak, I probably felt like dying to spare myself the agony of all these work stress. Till this day, I still have that depressing feeling and desire to resign but don't have the courage to do so. Many people around me have gone on to better things except me. Just stuck in my job rotting away......

Luck has been the pits, probably the worst I have ever experienced in many years. I already had a couple of car accidents that caused me both time and money, both of which I can ill afford and on both occasions I was just the unlucky person at the wrong place and time. Really wonder why I was so "lucky" to be bestowed such experience? Lack of money luck is the other thing that bothered me tremendously. I only wanted to grow my money like everyone else but I have the Midas touch of shitty luck to lose money in whatever I invest in..... IMMEDIATELY. Sigh, no matter how I pray, my investments don't ever turn positive. Again, just my damn luck....

I just feel this year is just one super pathetic year in which nothing went right for me. I almost had another accident tonight. Everything was a blur when it happened but I recall how the out-of-control motorbike skidded into my lane and I was lucky to brake in time and not run over the rider.

Sigh.... Just hate it. I should stop writing lest I get too depressed and kill myself.... Will things finally go right for me next year? Or more of the same? Retrenchment in the plan? Who knows....