Saturday, March 31, 2007

Waiting.....for love

I'll admit it. I am lonely. I am feeling lost. I really am craving for someone who can be my life partner. I'm LONELY AND lN NEED OF LOVE!

I really only have myself to blame. I KNEW the marriage would not work but yet I continued to deceive myself and her. Being responsible to a relationship doesn't mean it's the right thing to do!

渴望爱的我有可能握着你的手走完我的余生吗?

Mom, please get well....

I moved to a new place to stay today. Beginning tonight, I'll be staying with my mom and sister at Haig Road. That was planned since I have no place of my own anymore. Sigh, deserved casualty of my marriage....

However, really didn't expect to be greeted by a nasty surprise upon my arrival. I rang the doorbell but my sick and weak mom didn't answer the door. Even after calling the house phone, she failed to pick up the phone. By then I was kind of worried and rushed back to my car to get the door key. Never did I expect my mom to be sitting on the bathroom floor. I was so taken aback by this illogical scene that it took me a while to realise my mom had actually fell and have been sitting there for over an hour!.... I was totally hysterical and kept reprimanding her for not having the cordless phone with her even though that should be the farthest thing from my mind. Really, I almost cried there and that. It really hurts me to sec her in this state. So fragile and weak unlike my mom from decades ago.

Thankfully, she wasn't really hurt. Just too weak to pick herself up from the floor. I think I've moved into this household at the right time. My mom needs me.....

Friday, March 30, 2007

日本語の練習

今日はもう金曜日です。今朝SonyEricssonからのお客様を会いました。いいの経験と思いました。たくさんのQAについてのことを精通しました。

Dialects

In Singapore there are many Chinese dialect groups, like Cantonese, Hokkien, Hakka, Hokkien etc. , all of which have its own special accent and may not resemble Chinese phonetically at all. Years ago before the Singapore government banned dialects from radio & television, a lot of the Hong Kong movies & serials were broadcast in Cantonese. I remember “网中人”was the last television serial to be in Cantonese (1980s?) and it was a total blanket thereafter. Not a single phrase of dialect was allowed. It was that strict (paranoid in my opinion).

To give credit to the government, I acknowledge that by banning dialects outright, it allowed Chinese to become the standard language for the Chinese masses. It became apparently so probably 10 to 15 years later.

However, the flip side of that policy is the obvious demise of the dialects in Singapore. Nowadays not many of the younger generation can understand dialects, let alone speak one. I find that quite a waste because it means the new generation will not be able to understand anything published in dialects.

For example, I only listen to Cantonese songs which not many people understand or enjoy nowadays. They won't be able to enjoy the good songs from HK singers. Nor can they tune in to this GREAT radio talk show programme that I always listen to over the Internet.

I really wonder why Media Corp don't re-broadcast any of the old movies in their original flavor, it can be regarded as an Art movie by today's standard anyway . Frankly, what is the difference between this and Japanese or Korean stuff?!

Well, more of this in the future.

Vista again

I must say the handwriting experience on vista is much more fulfilling compared to XP. The recognition % is, in my opinion, even better than before and thus I've to correct mistakes less frequently.

I love it!!

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Kintergarten

I actually forgot that I did attend kintergarten before Primary one. Boy, was that one traumatic experience..... For the first several months, I actually cried my way to the place so much so that my grandma had to follow and wait for me outside the classroom on several occasions. I think even the driver got scared of me since I was such a wailer every time he picks me up. There was even one time I literally stretched myself across the front seat and out the passenger door window and scared the shit out of him. He was worried that I may just fling myself out the window...... Poor guy, he probably lost a few years all stressed out by me.

The place, Tanjong Katong Kintergarten, no longer exists but it was located along Tanjong Katong road quite near the church along the same road. A colonial styled house converted into a kintergarten, I think it was a private school as I am 100% sure it was not a PAP one (haha... no lightning). Actually, I have little to no recollection of what I did while I was there. Unlike nowadays, the sessions did not last a full day; I only remembered attending the afternoon sessions.

Can't remember much as I said but two incidents stood out:

1. Everyone have to take a graduation picture at the end of year, me including. Well, the principal had everyone lined up one by one, dressed up in a gown and put on the best smile possible for the camera. She kept telling the ones before me to smile more that I decided to put on my best smile when my turn is up. I probably overdid it and ended up smiling like a clown so much so that they were literally laughing off their feet when they saw my SMILE.

2. There was a graduation performance by the class and I was tasked to be one of the American Indians for the number "Ten Little Indians". I sort of chickened out and just refused to participate in it. Anyway, the boys were dressed only in white crocodile underwears that I was real shy about the whole thing.

All in all, the short one year wasn't anything to shout at but it gave me my first taste of schooling. Years later when I was in my late primary school, the kintergarten probably closed down due to poor business. It was knocked down years later and now a small apartment project stood on where it once was.

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Everything is working fine now!

OK, Vista is now working fine so will continue my blogging soon. Tonight chatting with someone so no time to write anything yet....

Monday, March 26, 2007

Vista.... damn it!

Well, upgraded my notebook to Vista yesterday and it's not too bad but need to learn some of the Vista tricks. Also, didn't manage to re-install all the drivers yet so it's a struggle to get all the features on my notebook working, especially the biometric sensor.

Guess will shelve my blogs for a couple of days to settle this first..... Damn it!

Saturday, March 24, 2007

Seraya primary school

I attended primary school from 1973 to 1978, almost 30 years ago. As mentioned, the school was near where I used to live and except for the first couple of years, I used to walk to and fro from school by myself (and later with my brothers). Maybe 15 to 20 mins?

Within a 2-km radius of Seraya primary school, there were several other big and small schools. I remember St Hilda's, Tong Cai (which my sister attended), Haig Boys' and Girls', and Fowlie. Of course, there were many more around but surrounding Seraya were these. In fact, all the said schools have either closed down or moved to other parts of the island.

I'm not sure why my father picked Seraya rather than the others but I did note that there were a lot of Tamils compared to the other said schools. Reputation wise, I don't think it was the best but hey, in those years, I don't think branding was that prevalent.

Starting from the morning session in primary 1, I alternated between morning and afternoon sessions for the subsequent school years. The class size, on average, was 30 people, I guess and there were a couple of classes who attended the same level.

I still remember a few of the teachers who taught me. The kind and elderly Mrs Lee, the young but fierce Mrs Lee, a couple of Chinese teachers whom I can't remember their names (Sorry...), and the very kind Principal Mr Tan(?). Except for the young Mrs Lee and young Chinese teacher, I think all of the others should be 6 feet below ground by now....

My Story again....

Looking through my postings again, I realised that I'm nowhere near my original intent of archiving memories from my early or formative years. This is partly attributable to a lack of planning before I write each posting and thus ended up I was trying to recall facts and fiction while composing each posting.

I don't think I will change this method since this is after all, an archive for myself. If I'm fuzzy on certain time scale, item, happening etc, I guess I will review and update on an ad-hoc basis whenever possible.

If really there are other people reading this (WHY? HAHAHA!), my apologies but if the theme, country, area, topic, and thoughts actually triggered some fond memories in yourself then I will be very happy too.

Bosom buddies

Let's face it. A person of my character (and physical.. ha) attributes is not going to attract/have many friends, let alone bosom buddies.

In recent years, I can honestly say that I've limited contact, if any, with people other than my colleagues. That in it itself is sad but I've, in most period, gotten used to it and try not to let that bother me very much. In work, you cannot choose your colleagues but along the way, there will be a few who will actually transcend from colleague to a friend or even bosom buddy. This is most certainly possible ever for introverts like myself because you can, no matter how remote, find either like-minded or compatible friends within your circle of colleagues.

So there is this certain (and former) colleague which I recently realised was a very easy person to talk to, to the point of being able/wanting to open up my outlook, thoughts, ideals, interest, and passion etc. The feeling "looks" to be mutual (I hope so else this whole article goes down the drain from here, ha!). This is pretty surprising because of the obvious difference between us in terms of attributes (of everything imaginable thing). Again, don't mean to stigmatise but under normal circumstances, it's like a case of 癞哈蟆想吃天鹅肉. Then again, I wonder if this a case of the other party being mature in thinking and me with a younger outlook relative to my age. Looks like I'm just trying to justify my thoughts.... hahaha....

Anyway, I really wonder if this will/can jeopardise the new friendship if I try to be over-friendly like going for tea, chatting online etc? So much so that the other person may feel irritated and withdraw from this friendship or just build a wall? Again, I think this is possible in all level of relationship (regardless of whether it's with parents, friends, spouse, whoever etc) but I think it is just a waste if such a person is there but you don't try to cultivate and see how far it can grow.

Well, let's just let it take its natural course since I really don't want to ruin a good thing. The way that I look at it, a friend gained and maintained is still then a friend lost forever.

Thursday, March 22, 2007

Lonely 私は寂しいです.....

Today I feel lonely; just very down. Mood swings... Ha Ha

Sometimes I wonder what is my purpose in life? Just to work to live and try to be happy by spending money on things that I desire or like? I earn a decent living (by my puny standards), enough for me to live by and splurge a little from time to time but is that all to it?

Growing up , I never envisioned my life to be like this. Is that all there is to it? If so, then I'm very disappointed. Or is this the price that I need to pay to atone for my past mistakes? If so, I really need to protest since I really think I'm not that bad a person and deserves something better than my current state of matter. Sometimes I just get misunderstood by others and maybe someone up there needs to give me a break......

Maybe I should just list down things that I hope that I can do or accomplish before I die....At least that way I can say I did something that I like while alive!

Well, let's see if I can come up with a list.

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

Television

Nowadays it is difficult to find any decent family without a television set. Big screen plasma and LCD TVs are the rage in recent years but I grew up starting with a small screen black and-white TVs that took time to warm up after you switched it on. Those were the days....

Of course, I eventually moved on to color TVs (CRT of course) because my dad likes to waste money....

Anyway, I can remember a few of the more popular programmers during the 70s' . Like Combat (starring Vic Morrow!), Little House on the Praire, Hawaii Five-O etc. They were quite enjoyable back then even though I couldn't understand a word since it was before I learned English....

As for the Chinese shows, I remember “声宝之夜”,“家在大巴窑”as the earliest shows that I can recall. Those were locally produced shows that had bare minimum sets that would look very artificial by today's standards. For example, they would probably paste a picture of the city/ Toa Payoh as backdrop rather than an actual locale shot. However the stories were very heart-warming as far as I can recall.

Then there were re-runs of the old back-and-white Hong Kong movies that starred people like ”谢贤”,“陈宝珠”,“ 箫芳芳”,“李香琴”,“肥肥”etc. Nowadays many of those stars are either senior citizens or deceased. Sigh, it means that I'm not too young myself.

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

Rain

いま、雨が吹っています。私は雨を見るのは好きです。本当に好きです。雨が見なれば、気持になります。。。。

Singaporean Drivers ! Argh!

I really cannot stand Singaporean drivers! Really, why are there more & more inconsiderate drivers on the roads nowadays?

Why do people like to beat red lights ? Don't they know it's dangerous? Every single day I see this happening around me. People in big cars, small cars, expensive ones, and cheapo ones, it doesn't matter, they all do it all the same. Must they wait till they have really killed someone then they'll have the sense to stop?!

Even if an accident were to happen, I bet they will probably try to pin the blame on the other party.

"Your honor, the idiot failed to yield to me"

"I already flashed him to indicate that I'm going through!"

"I was in a hurry ..."

"I'm sorry. Please just fine me (so that I can continue to drive recklessly)."

I totally hate such drivers! Unfortunately, I associate this to the "Me" mentality of Singaporeans. Nowadays, Singaporeans are just impatient, inconsiderate, and incorrigible!

Sigh...World class infrastructure but 3rd class citizen and culture....

Monday, March 19, 2007

Primary School

Unlike children of today, I was pretty "blur" growing up. Didn't know what a primary school is until the 1st day of school....

I studied at Seraya primary school near Katong shopping Centre. Actually, the school no longer exists. The same plot of land is now occupied by Tanjong Katong primary school , which once housed Seraya and Fowlie primary school (but the two are rivals). Schools in those days always have the same design unlike the myraid designs of today. Don't know how to describe it but it's basically a long, two-storey building with classes inside. This design is still seen around the island but it's no longer the default design for new schools. What struck me is the big field in between or separating the two schools. Valuable real estate by today's standard, haha.

Sunday, March 18, 2007

日本語....

名前はリンと甲します。

私に対して日本語は中国語のようにおもしろいと思います。

しかし、残念ですね。一生けん命勉強したのに、日本語の程度はまだ下手です。こまってね。

My country, Singapore....

I live in Singapore. Except during the period when I was studying in USA, I have always lived on this tiny island in South East Asia. Singapore is a wonderfully efficient and beautiful little island country, no doubt whatsoever. With no natural resources whatsoever to speak of, it is indeed amazing that is managed to get to where it is today. For that, I salute the OLD GUARDS of the Singapore government. Notice that I specified the old guards because I honestly think that the current crop of government officials cannot compare to them in terms of moral/ethics and humility. I will definitely write more of the government when I get the chance.

Singapore got to where it is today by utilising its only resource i.e. its people. In short, we had great quality in terms of human resource and the hardwork by the pioneers (on all levels, top to bottom) built the cornerstone that hailed Singaporeans as hardworking, selfless, and efficient. In part, that propel the Singapore economy to the great heights where it stands today, from a nobody backward country to a modern one.

However, mark my words, Singapore is going to lost this edge because of the growth of a social disease that the Singapore government has unknowingly cultivated into its people through decades of policies. That disease is what we locally term as "Kiasu" which literally means "afraid to lose out"..... In short, anyone who is "Kiasu" will do whatever in his means to "not lose out" in whatever he is doing i.e. gain an (unfair?) advantage through whatever means, moral or otherwise. This has, over the years, transformed Singaporeans to become conceited and self-centered, whereby the "me" mentality totally eradicated the "we" mentality. In short, we have become a "No Money No Talk", "Money is King", or "Better you than me" society.

I will share more of my opinion on this when I have the time to blog in the future.

That's all for now.

Monday, March 12, 2007

Where I lived

I grew up in the east part of the Singapore island. Near Joo Chiat to be exact. That place, circa 1970s, was different. There was NO vice unlike the Joo Chiat of today :). I still remember the row of shophouses along the whole stretch, near where the Dunman Hawker Centre still stands today (albeit after numerous facelifts) all the way to the old wet market was. I think the Joo Chiat Complex is standing on where the old market was.

Although I have never went inside, I think there was an old open air cinema near the old market. Never saw any of the movies but I think it was cheap, something like 50cents? Maybe but I was too young to remember and also my parents never provided me this luxury......

All in all, Joo Chiat still retains most of its charm over the years. Most, if not all, of the shophouses are still around. There are so many interesting tidbits that I will have to update every now and then. Sure wish more "elder" folks can provide more inputs and too bad I don't have any pictures to share.

Friday, March 9, 2007

Who am I?

I'm a Singaporean... . Just hit my big 40 not too long ago; almost as old as Singapore itself. Interestingly, I think I grew up in an era that is unique and definitely cannot be repeated and experienced by Singaporeans of today. Singapore had just gained independence before I was born and was still trying to transform itself into the modern city that it is today. As such, I actually witnessed the transformation of the island by going from kampung life to the urban lifestyle of today. In a way, I missed the life of old. Maybe it's because of my childhood or maybe life was simpler back then, I really felt happy......

Fast forward to 40 years later and I feel lost...... Material wise, life does look to be better but deep down I feel I'm missing a soul..... Don't know how to put it but it is just how I feel.

I don't think I will write about my life events chronologically but maybe just talk about interesting things that left marks in my book of memories..... Again, it may not be too interesting to many people but I make no apologies for that :)

Thursday, March 8, 2007

Why blog?

Time flies.... It really seemed like yesterday when I was a 7-year old perched on top on a stool combing my hair, getting ready for the first day of my primary school. Really, I still remember staring at myself in the mirror......

Now, 30-odd years down the road, I am on the wrong side of my youth and thinking back rather than looking forward. I've always wanted to preserve my memories from childhood, teenage, and adult life, to serve as a remembrance to those years, be it good, bad, happy, sad or whatever.

That's why I want to blog...... It's my life story.... To many people, my life probably is boring as watching, say, a snail crawling across a pavement. However, it's my story and I don't have to apologise to anyone if it's BORING.

私はだれですか? 名前はなんですか。あはは.... 秘密です。

Wednesday, March 7, 2007

Thanks! Veronica!

Finally.... I have finally started a blog for myself. Still, I don't know or won't know how truthful I will be in the blogs... Only time will tell ....

However, I must really thank Veronica for "inspiring" me to start one. OK, maybe not inspire but at least she pushed me towards this direction. Even though she may not be aware of this blog's existence, she did make this "old" man start one. Haha ...Never envisioned it to turn out this way. この彼女はおもしろい女人ですね。。。。

I'll probably write in Japanese too to help me practice in the language.

これから私の物語を書きます。よろしくおねがいします。