I was hoping that I would be able to blog about the upcoming trip to Malaysia. My first trip ever to Kuala Lumpur..... Thought it would be nice to see a different city, somewhere that I have not been to. Nope..... my life just won't let me, just won't let me.
Every other day I have to feel sorry for myself, asking myself why things have to happen the way they happened. I didn't do anything to the GPS that would have caused the unit to die. I was just playing around with the software. That was all I did.....
Yes, I am unhappy. Yes, I pity myself. Yes, I just feel life is always finding ways to make my life less than optimal. I hate myself. I hate my life. Every time I try to encourage myself and say I am not the worst, something like this had to happen. Yeah, it could have happened to anyone but why on an item that was specially purchased from halfway across the globe? And so near to the day I need to use it? Over-reacting on my part? I don't know. It is not the GPS, it is things in general. Shit had to happen to me.
Still have work and other stuff lurking in the dark and just getting ready to bite me too.
Happy birthday..... Hope life is worth living for the new year....
Monday, December 22, 2008
Monday, December 15, 2008
Depressing December....
I have not blogged for more than a month now. With many things happening around me, just didn't have the energy to blog at all.
First thing on my mind now is definitely the Japanese Language Proficiency Test that I finally set for in early Dec '08. Don't think I will pass but it also made me realise how far I am from ever becoming proficient in the language. It is almost 35 years to the day when I first saw the Japanese language. The Doraemon comics that I saw at Yaohan, was it? The curly language just captivated me and probably unconsciously seeded a desire to learn it one day. That one day was over 15 years when I first signed up for a Japanese language course and since then I have attempted to become proficient in that language without success. Just makes me so sad and disappointed. Good for nothing? Really, simple man simple dreams....... Can't even make the efforts to make this work for myself.
With the month of December drawing to a close soon, the year is coming to an end now. What a lousy and depressing year it has been for me. Work was really stressful where I subjected to numerous situations that really made me feel like resigning on the spot. At its peak, I probably felt like dying to spare myself the agony of all these work stress. Till this day, I still have that depressing feeling and desire to resign but don't have the courage to do so. Many people around me have gone on to better things except me. Just stuck in my job rotting away......
Luck has been the pits, probably the worst I have ever experienced in many years. I already had a couple of car accidents that caused me both time and money, both of which I can ill afford and on both occasions I was just the unlucky person at the wrong place and time. Really wonder why I was so "lucky" to be bestowed such experience? Lack of money luck is the other thing that bothered me tremendously. I only wanted to grow my money like everyone else but I have the Midas touch of shitty luck to lose money in whatever I invest in..... IMMEDIATELY. Sigh, no matter how I pray, my investments don't ever turn positive. Again, just my damn luck....
I just feel this year is just one super pathetic year in which nothing went right for me. I almost had another accident tonight. Everything was a blur when it happened but I recall how the out-of-control motorbike skidded into my lane and I was lucky to brake in time and not run over the rider.
Sigh.... Just hate it. I should stop writing lest I get too depressed and kill myself.... Will things finally go right for me next year? Or more of the same? Retrenchment in the plan? Who knows....
First thing on my mind now is definitely the Japanese Language Proficiency Test that I finally set for in early Dec '08. Don't think I will pass but it also made me realise how far I am from ever becoming proficient in the language. It is almost 35 years to the day when I first saw the Japanese language. The Doraemon comics that I saw at Yaohan, was it? The curly language just captivated me and probably unconsciously seeded a desire to learn it one day. That one day was over 15 years when I first signed up for a Japanese language course and since then I have attempted to become proficient in that language without success. Just makes me so sad and disappointed. Good for nothing? Really, simple man simple dreams....... Can't even make the efforts to make this work for myself.
With the month of December drawing to a close soon, the year is coming to an end now. What a lousy and depressing year it has been for me. Work was really stressful where I subjected to numerous situations that really made me feel like resigning on the spot. At its peak, I probably felt like dying to spare myself the agony of all these work stress. Till this day, I still have that depressing feeling and desire to resign but don't have the courage to do so. Many people around me have gone on to better things except me. Just stuck in my job rotting away......
Luck has been the pits, probably the worst I have ever experienced in many years. I already had a couple of car accidents that caused me both time and money, both of which I can ill afford and on both occasions I was just the unlucky person at the wrong place and time. Really wonder why I was so "lucky" to be bestowed such experience? Lack of money luck is the other thing that bothered me tremendously. I only wanted to grow my money like everyone else but I have the Midas touch of shitty luck to lose money in whatever I invest in..... IMMEDIATELY. Sigh, no matter how I pray, my investments don't ever turn positive. Again, just my damn luck....
I just feel this year is just one super pathetic year in which nothing went right for me. I almost had another accident tonight. Everything was a blur when it happened but I recall how the out-of-control motorbike skidded into my lane and I was lucky to brake in time and not run over the rider.
Sigh.... Just hate it. I should stop writing lest I get too depressed and kill myself.... Will things finally go right for me next year? Or more of the same? Retrenchment in the plan? Who knows....
Monday, November 10, 2008
Declining health
Physically I just feel so weak nowadays. I don't know what's going on or why but feeling very exhausted at the end of the day, like I need to sleep throughout the night to recoup.
Divestiture......
Learnt a new word today..... Divestiture.
My current company has decided to realign its business towards its new focus/mission on human and environmental health and in the process has announced plans to diversify those non-aligned part of the organisation. While I can't say I was surprised to hear that or rather I have guessed as much since I learned of the new company strategy last week, I don't really know I should react.
If the company gets spun off will that mean re-structuring will follow soon enough? Do I have to start looking for a new job now? If I do get retrenched, will I really be happy with the compensation package and not feel stressed that I will never find another job that pays as much? What about the other members of my department? Should I hope for the best or should I start planning for an exit plan right now?
The first thoughts that came to my mind was whether I will have enough money to buy a house and start a family. Tough...... Probably all my dream of a nice house in the east will be just that, a dream that cannot be fulfilled.....
Am I worry too much? Probably but that's just me.
My current company has decided to realign its business towards its new focus/mission on human and environmental health and in the process has announced plans to diversify those non-aligned part of the organisation. While I can't say I was surprised to hear that or rather I have guessed as much since I learned of the new company strategy last week, I don't really know I should react.
If the company gets spun off will that mean re-structuring will follow soon enough? Do I have to start looking for a new job now? If I do get retrenched, will I really be happy with the compensation package and not feel stressed that I will never find another job that pays as much? What about the other members of my department? Should I hope for the best or should I start planning for an exit plan right now?
The first thoughts that came to my mind was whether I will have enough money to buy a house and start a family. Tough...... Probably all my dream of a nice house in the east will be just that, a dream that cannot be fulfilled.....
Am I worry too much? Probably but that's just me.
Monday, October 27, 2008
Dropping ratings
Noticed that I am blogging a LOT less than in the past..... Damn it, must not let this blog die.....
Ditching my apprehensions
My dear is away on a holiday since last Friday. I wouldn't say I am lost without her beside me but it feels different no doubt. Many a times I have told myself to never take anyone for granted, especially my dear.
Ever since she was identified to be my One, I have told myself to cherish and make sure she stays the One but unfortunately I have struggling badly at times due to differences in certain areas. In terms of personality and value system, I do feel that we are very much compatible. Some minor issues at times but it has been as good as I envisioned in the past. Probably the biggest sticks are of lifestyle and religion. I am a strange person. At times I can be active.... going places and moving around but at other times I can be so plain lazy like a blob of fat, preferring to just laze around and rot although it is more of the latter in recent times. Anyway, dear likes to travel and see the world but I only prefer to do that occasionally.
As for religion, well, it just scares me.... I am not a very religious person but then again she is. The need to go churches, bringing up children to believe in God etc... not really my cup of tea but I guess need to compromise like everything else.
Almost 9am... sigh, better start work else I waste more of my time.....
Ever since she was identified to be my One, I have told myself to cherish and make sure she stays the One but unfortunately I have struggling badly at times due to differences in certain areas. In terms of personality and value system, I do feel that we are very much compatible. Some minor issues at times but it has been as good as I envisioned in the past. Probably the biggest sticks are of lifestyle and religion. I am a strange person. At times I can be active.... going places and moving around but at other times I can be so plain lazy like a blob of fat, preferring to just laze around and rot although it is more of the latter in recent times. Anyway, dear likes to travel and see the world but I only prefer to do that occasionally.
As for religion, well, it just scares me.... I am not a very religious person but then again she is. The need to go churches, bringing up children to believe in God etc... not really my cup of tea but I guess need to compromise like everything else.
Almost 9am... sigh, better start work else I waste more of my time.....
Discipline
Discipline in the sense that I lack it.... Today is the last day of a 4-day holiday (like real) for me but except for a true half-day effort on Saturday to work, the rest of the days were just spent doing other stuff. Well, they were things that I had to do like visiting the doctor, having a short back rub, clearing up my computer etc but I did not spend enough time doing things that are critical, namely studying and working.
Yes, really must buck up today as this is the last day that I can do something before I go back to work in a lousy organisation. Some many things that I wish I can do and the want is lacking nowadays..... Maybe hoping for a golden handshake is not the best of wishes but at times I think the will is giving in. Who knows, with the current economic downturn, I may not even need to wish for it.
The Ds..... Discipline, Determination, Desire.... I owe it to myself to make something out of today.
Also need to be very discipline with my money. With the economy going south and a large portion of my cash portfolio stuck, I need to ensure that my asset stays fluid enough to pick up all opportunities that are available.
I think Year 2009 will be a year of opportunities and hopefully I will have a home of my own again and share with my dear.... Hopefully, it will be on the upswing for me and less treacherous and uneventful compared to this year.
Yes, really must buck up today as this is the last day that I can do something before I go back to work in a lousy organisation. Some many things that I wish I can do and the want is lacking nowadays..... Maybe hoping for a golden handshake is not the best of wishes but at times I think the will is giving in. Who knows, with the current economic downturn, I may not even need to wish for it.
The Ds..... Discipline, Determination, Desire.... I owe it to myself to make something out of today.
Also need to be very discipline with my money. With the economy going south and a large portion of my cash portfolio stuck, I need to ensure that my asset stays fluid enough to pick up all opportunities that are available.
I think Year 2009 will be a year of opportunities and hopefully I will have a home of my own again and share with my dear.... Hopefully, it will be on the upswing for me and less treacherous and uneventful compared to this year.
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