Distant past

Occurred to me this morning that it is almost 5 years ago since I moved out from the landed property. Five years.... really a very, very long time. No wonder I am starting to forget some details of the old place. How did my life deteriorate so much that I went from sleeping in my own room and bed to sleeping on the floor on a mattress?

To say I am past feeling sad about losing my old place is quite a lie. If anything, at least that place get me a sense of security like a blanket. Or maybe I am just feeling nostalgia tonight? Maybe so, maybe so....

I see other people having plans to do this or that, study or be a boss, move to a new job etc. I can't say I don't envy them.... Just makes me feel so useless for doing the same old thing. In other people's eyes' I am probably just a stayer who has no ambitions.

I have many unfulfilled ambitions too.... How to fulfill them? No youth, no money, no time....... Really, should I just bite the bullet and go crazy for once or one last time? If not, will I die with many regrets? The distant past is just what it is.... a past that is so distant that it is really a joke thinking what could have been or should have been.

Another day gone....