First argument?

I was wondering if last night was the very 1st time that I had a real argument with Princess. Really, it probably was. I felt that things with her have been very, very happy whenever she is not in "that" mode but whenever she does, that is it, nothing that I do will help at all to snap her out of her mode.


She questioned my love because my reaction was different, different from what I would have done in the past, different from the "I-will-reassure-her" mode. I told her that is true. Till now, I always know whenever she phases into "that" mode, every single time. In the past, I have tried to guide her out of that mode by attempting to talk to her and getting her to be jovial again... never have I succeeded. Each attempt always yielded the same results, every question will be a monotonous and short reply, mostly "Ya"s or "I am OK"s. I think it is fair to say I have never gotten much more beyond that.


From experience, I learned that the best way is actually for her to "cool down". Maybe that is the equivalent of letting her settle it for her own but it proved to be the most effective from what I observed. For that reason, I have decided to let her "cool down" whenever that happens. but I never totally ignore her as I will always do my pleasantries, meaning I still bid her good night and I sincerely and genuinely bid my love for her. Maybe this is the change in attitude that she does like or am "shocked" or "disappointed" about.... Really, it doesn't mean that I don't care.

She mentioned maybe my job has changed my attitude? I don't deny my work has become a huge burden on me. It is affecting me, no doubt. I don't enjoy work anymore and I am always stressed out by the tons of work. Other people have it easier but I always get the short end of the stick. Maybe I am just not suited for this job or I need to push my people more? It is a fact I am tired. Always tired. Maybe this is my fault too? Maybe I don't have a right to be tired? Maybe I should always put everything single thing about myself? Or am I really too hard on myself. Sigh. That is why I was really looking forward to the weekend and trying to enjoy my timeoff and weekend. And that is why I had wanted to force myself to take a weekend excursion to Pulau Ubin.

Sigh... it is already past 11am now... Half the day is almost gone.