The house....

I have said it more than once that I missed my old house..... Even though it was very much dilapidated by the time I moved out of it, I still feel a very deep sense of attachment to it.

It was the house that I practically grew up in. Some great and happy years very early on while the ones after my teenage years were tough with the parents struggling to bring in money. Unfortunately, my stupid dad didn't cherish the 2nd chance bestowed upon him and chose to squander the hard earned money during the 2nd wind in the mid 90s.

I must admit I always chose to run away from the problem during those bad last few years. Just wanting to avoid hearing the bad news in the hope that things will turn out better for a 3rd time. It was never meant to be, I guess and my source of joy and pride was no more.

No one in this world can understand how it felt inside of me when I eventually had to leave the house. I was powerless to do anything because I had stupidly gotten married and more stupidly bought a flat that was too big without studying my finances. If only I had been wiser, I would be able to react much, much better and probably saved the house and also my happiness too.

It was indeed a great pain to see my siblings and mother suffer just because of what my dad did. Till date, I still feel a sense of guilt for not being able to let my mom die in a house that befitted her contribution over the last few decades. Looking at my current situation, I wonder if I will also disappoint my Princess for not being able to provide the best to her.

That's why I miss my old house. It would have been great to move from childhood to teenager to adulthood to fatherhood and so on in the same old house, no matter how delapitated it may be.