Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Depressed
Sometimes I don't know how my brain works. I really don't have much to worry about but yet I feel depressed. Or is it due to the broken lock on the door? So why do I worry? Is it because I feel that I am the only one who cares about keeping things in good working order? Or is it because no one else cares about the house besides me? Is there something wrong with me? I don't know, just feeling depressed today. Maybe it is because of my aching back? Maybe? No..... Then what? This sucks.
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Decades passed, lost, and new
I have not been updating my blog for the longest of time, definitely more because of laziness than anything else.
Come to think of it, I didn't blog about my new job even though it was a huge departure from my comfort zone after more than 10 years on the job.
Neither did I blog about the new year. 2010 was ushered in without much fanfare on my part but it represents a new decade after a disastrous 10 years which I will forever look back in regret and pain. People always tell me to look on the bright side of things and life but till now I just feel it left such a large blank in my both my family and personal life that I cannot but feel helpless whenever I think about the "Decade of Lost".
Hopefully, the decades ahead will be much better. Gotten married to a new wife and with that a new start. Nothing much to complain although the sex part can be more exciting....
What really prompted me to put some thoughts into words is music. Tonight, being alone again and with not much housework to do, I find myself drawn to my world of oldies again. When one starts to think back and reminisce about the growing up years with such fondness it can only be taken as a sign that one is really too old to term those years simply as "some years ago".... In reality, it has been decades ago since my childhood days. Maybe it was because those years were really blissful and meant too much to me that I keep thinking of how I was then and things that happened during that period. Maybe the pain of the last decade made me want to go back to the cosy years of past. Well, it is probably more than a maybe. Everyone wants to be forever blessed with a good and happy life, right?
Come to think of it, I didn't blog about my new job even though it was a huge departure from my comfort zone after more than 10 years on the job.
Neither did I blog about the new year. 2010 was ushered in without much fanfare on my part but it represents a new decade after a disastrous 10 years which I will forever look back in regret and pain. People always tell me to look on the bright side of things and life but till now I just feel it left such a large blank in my both my family and personal life that I cannot but feel helpless whenever I think about the "Decade of Lost".
Hopefully, the decades ahead will be much better. Gotten married to a new wife and with that a new start. Nothing much to complain although the sex part can be more exciting....
What really prompted me to put some thoughts into words is music. Tonight, being alone again and with not much housework to do, I find myself drawn to my world of oldies again. When one starts to think back and reminisce about the growing up years with such fondness it can only be taken as a sign that one is really too old to term those years simply as "some years ago".... In reality, it has been decades ago since my childhood days. Maybe it was because those years were really blissful and meant too much to me that I keep thinking of how I was then and things that happened during that period. Maybe the pain of the last decade made me want to go back to the cosy years of past. Well, it is probably more than a maybe. Everyone wants to be forever blessed with a good and happy life, right?
Sunday, November 29, 2009
Distant past....
I was triggered to write something tonight after a scene and number flashed across the television screen when viewing the 46th Golden Horse Ceremony. The number? 1980. The scene? A boy in cape running down an old alley. Why was I triggered to write something? Well, what I saw in that scene was probably not too far from my own childhood. As I always said, time flies. In a blink of an eye, a few decades have passed me by and frankly, I am getting old. A new wrinkle here, an ache there, and many other tell-tale signs that I am no longer the young kid on the block. I wonder will I really always be a child at heart? Probably yes......
Friday, August 28, 2009
Diarrhea II
Just when I thought things are going well my problem with diarrhea looks to be back again. Sigh.....
Diarrhea
Wanted to blog a little about my painful experience the last 48 hours with a bout of serious diarrhea but seems to have some problems with the blogspot webpage. I don't see the usual GUI in the past but rather just plain text type of hyperlink.
Anyway, just wanted to say sometimes it is a blessng to be sick. A blessing in the sense that it serves as a wake up call to never take good health for granted and never to be complacent in life. I felt so helpless and never so bad when the effects of diarrhea hit me hard and fast. Over the numerous trips to the toilet I was practically shedding fluid so much so that I apparently lost close to 2kg in body weight due to dehydration. Coupled with the loss of appetite and nauseous feeling, it really made the experience all the more painful.
Laying in bed the last 48 hours and looking at the streams of emails coming through my Blackberry, I came to the realisation that I have not been fair to my new job. Yes, compared to my previous job, it is probably more forgiving but that doesn't mean that I should just sit back and wait for the monthly paycheck. Looking back, I should really have spent more time learning about the role and taking up the responsibility to improve the daily ongoings rather than just following status quo blindly. To this, I am regretful and hereby make a commitment to take a much more proactive approach when I return to the office next week.
Thankfully, I am feeling much, much better now and would probably spend the rest of today recuperating. Hopefully, I can find some time to finish up the rest of the renovation for our new home and close that aspect as perfectly as possible. Till now, I am very pleased with the progress of the renovation and hope to see the fruits of our efforts in a month or two.
One thing was the call from CK prompted me to think and reflect on my attitude towards learning these few months. Yes, I may have been distracted by the ongoing renovations and the dangerously deceptive slow pace of the new job but I should not for a minute think that I have it "made" and thus can stop learning new stuff. As far as I am concerned, I am still far from the complete package and should continue to strive to work towards that goal/objective i.e. read more, learn more. Resting on my laurels will not do me any good whatsoever and in fact can destroy the good image that I have built up thus far.
Rest well, recover fully, and then move forward rapidly towards a happy relationship, successful career, and cosy home......
Anyway, just wanted to say sometimes it is a blessng to be sick. A blessing in the sense that it serves as a wake up call to never take good health for granted and never to be complacent in life. I felt so helpless and never so bad when the effects of diarrhea hit me hard and fast. Over the numerous trips to the toilet I was practically shedding fluid so much so that I apparently lost close to 2kg in body weight due to dehydration. Coupled with the loss of appetite and nauseous feeling, it really made the experience all the more painful.
Laying in bed the last 48 hours and looking at the streams of emails coming through my Blackberry, I came to the realisation that I have not been fair to my new job. Yes, compared to my previous job, it is probably more forgiving but that doesn't mean that I should just sit back and wait for the monthly paycheck. Looking back, I should really have spent more time learning about the role and taking up the responsibility to improve the daily ongoings rather than just following status quo blindly. To this, I am regretful and hereby make a commitment to take a much more proactive approach when I return to the office next week.
Thankfully, I am feeling much, much better now and would probably spend the rest of today recuperating. Hopefully, I can find some time to finish up the rest of the renovation for our new home and close that aspect as perfectly as possible. Till now, I am very pleased with the progress of the renovation and hope to see the fruits of our efforts in a month or two.
One thing was the call from CK prompted me to think and reflect on my attitude towards learning these few months. Yes, I may have been distracted by the ongoing renovations and the dangerously deceptive slow pace of the new job but I should not for a minute think that I have it "made" and thus can stop learning new stuff. As far as I am concerned, I am still far from the complete package and should continue to strive to work towards that goal/objective i.e. read more, learn more. Resting on my laurels will not do me any good whatsoever and in fact can destroy the good image that I have built up thus far.
Rest well, recover fully, and then move forward rapidly towards a happy relationship, successful career, and cosy home......
Saturday, June 20, 2009
Don't argue.
Here alone on a Saturday afternoon, just wasting the day away before preparing to attend a colleague's wedding dinner this evening.
With a beer in hand, I am thinking back to last evening. I really hate to argue and I don't mind compromises but at times I feel that any disagreement is replied with a tad of sarcasm and that really makes me irritated. I don't think it is wrong to consider the practicality of the renovation because I don't want things to be falling apart 2 to 3 years after that. If it still makes sense, I will still do it. I really don't want and hate to argue.
Same for kisses. One party wants it anywhere and anytime but that is not me. I am conservative and won't do it in public places but end up being looked upon as non-loving. Frankly, I think I have been doing a lot already and deserves some credit for that. I can't keep changing myself else that would not longer be a mutual commitment but rather just blindly giving in. At times, I should be given the respect to do/act things that is just me rather than being expected to.
Regardless, I really hope to just get all these over with and settle back into a normal type of life where I can just spend the weekend in our home, be it lazing around or cooking meal or doing the housework or whatever.
With a beer in hand, I am thinking back to last evening. I really hate to argue and I don't mind compromises but at times I feel that any disagreement is replied with a tad of sarcasm and that really makes me irritated. I don't think it is wrong to consider the practicality of the renovation because I don't want things to be falling apart 2 to 3 years after that. If it still makes sense, I will still do it. I really don't want and hate to argue.
Same for kisses. One party wants it anywhere and anytime but that is not me. I am conservative and won't do it in public places but end up being looked upon as non-loving. Frankly, I think I have been doing a lot already and deserves some credit for that. I can't keep changing myself else that would not longer be a mutual commitment but rather just blindly giving in. At times, I should be given the respect to do/act things that is just me rather than being expected to.
Regardless, I really hope to just get all these over with and settle back into a normal type of life where I can just spend the weekend in our home, be it lazing around or cooking meal or doing the housework or whatever.
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)