Already into Feb '09 and the 9-day holiday period just disappeared into thin air and into history. Can't say I accomplished a lot during this break but at least it was leisurely to say the least. Did a little stuff here and there and reminiscent a little. So what are the little things that I should record here?
Flipped through my book "High Score" again and read through the years of video gaming history and with that my childhood past again. Basically can't shake off the memories from that period of my life and every time I read it I will think of how much things have changed for me. Mixed feelings, I should say and lots of lost opportunities. Well, it is something that I would always look back with the same feelings and thoughts.
Did watch several nice anime movies, though so that was a plus. "Ip Man" was fun to watch. Looking at the main character, Donnie Yen, I still remember his very 1st movie from 20 years ago! Different era altogether.... Memories... There I go again, looking back and never forward. Bad. Wonder if there are others who behave as strangely as me. Well......
Sent my watch for repair but ended up not spending the money. Well, the watch still tells time just that the perpetual calendar is not working so just save the money for now. Maybe buy a new cheap watch if and when money starts to flow freely for me again. Just heartpain to think how much I lost in forex. Disappearing money... (Shake head)... (Look at sky).... (Sigh)....
Lazy.... Didn't make full use of the opportunity to read more books but that happens a lot nowadays. That is a bad habit that I will regret soon enough, I think.
Still had to attend to gatherings at my Dear's side of the family. Won't say it kills me but it is something that is additional activity for me. She even got upset with me when I said I am bored with sitting around doing nothing. Obligatory or not, it is true I would just be sitting and doing nothing much. I wonder if she had at least guessed why I bought the DVD to watch. Her relatives and all would be comfortable sitting in the midst of crowd and still happily mingling but I really don't like crowds. Not my most favorite of holiday rituals but then again probably have to accept the fact that it comes with the relationship, I guess.
Many other thoughts on my mind..... Work, Marriage, Housing, Ring, Money.... but forget it, won't dwell into those, just stressing myself.
Lastly, praying for a happier 2009 for me, my dear, and family members.
Sunday, February 1, 2009
Saturday, January 24, 2009
Doubting one's worth and ability
Came back home early on a Saturday 'cos my dear went for an evening appointment with her friends. Well, logged in and saw her blog invitation. I went reading what she wrote and finally read the article about the unfortunate incident during our Dec road trip.
Nothing about the article but rather reading the comments by her friends (and such), it is definite that she is held in high regards by them. Smart and articulate, I would summarise. Being the self doubting soul that I am, wondered if her friends will look down on me. I am super nothing, frankly. Nothing great about me that would wow anyone.
Really, I would hate it if I ever learn of comments that are akin to me not being good enough for her. What would I do if I do learn of such comments? Recluse myself farther and farther into my own world and not interact with them? Likely?
Really, this self-doubt thing is really not good but my mind is very good at playing games and painting all sort of negative scenarios, even from something as innocuous as her blog entry. Strange. Well, the only way to eradicate that is to raise my self esteem; to make myself realise that everyone has their strengths and weaknesses.
The new Chinese New Year is almost upon us and I will make a conscious effort to make this a good one for both of us. If I bring her happiness, in turn I will earn happiness....
Nothing about the article but rather reading the comments by her friends (and such), it is definite that she is held in high regards by them. Smart and articulate, I would summarise. Being the self doubting soul that I am, wondered if her friends will look down on me. I am super nothing, frankly. Nothing great about me that would wow anyone.
Really, I would hate it if I ever learn of comments that are akin to me not being good enough for her. What would I do if I do learn of such comments? Recluse myself farther and farther into my own world and not interact with them? Likely?
Really, this self-doubt thing is really not good but my mind is very good at playing games and painting all sort of negative scenarios, even from something as innocuous as her blog entry. Strange. Well, the only way to eradicate that is to raise my self esteem; to make myself realise that everyone has their strengths and weaknesses.
The new Chinese New Year is almost upon us and I will make a conscious effort to make this a good one for both of us. If I bring her happiness, in turn I will earn happiness....
Sunday, January 11, 2009
Damn lazy
My Dear asked me why I am not been blogging recently. Well, I have been either engaged in other stuff (work, vacation etc) or damn lazy.
Nowadays, with her in my life, I don't have that much time to blog anyway. Yeah, I still have lots to say but probably less enthusiastic to blog them. Not that I am less excited about life or her but I am essentially more occupied now. Bad thing? Am I complaining? Not at all..... just happily being occupied by her and everything else.
Rather than worrying about being alone or my work, I probably spend more time worrying about her and stuff, with a few arguments embedded in between.
BULLETIN..... I am watching TV while blogging and the news reported that one member of parliament was set on fire?! Wow that is news...... never happened in Singapore before....
Anyway, the year has started out pretty good for me. No major disasters and hopefully it sticks and stays that way from here onwards.
Job security is a worry with the economy going south but that is the same for most people, I guess.
This year, this year.... This year, I hope to do more that what I have achieved in the last two years. Get married (still sweating like hell), buy a house, start a new life (in the east, if possible), start a family (finally?), continue studying my Japanese.... Most of all, just trying to be happy and live a simple life..... with that special someone in toll.
Yes, I still don't think I always have the best of luck and I deserve more but honestly I won't complain if things remain uneventful, smooth sailing, simple, and happy for us.
Best of luck for the new year.
Nowadays, with her in my life, I don't have that much time to blog anyway. Yeah, I still have lots to say but probably less enthusiastic to blog them. Not that I am less excited about life or her but I am essentially more occupied now. Bad thing? Am I complaining? Not at all..... just happily being occupied by her and everything else.
Rather than worrying about being alone or my work, I probably spend more time worrying about her and stuff, with a few arguments embedded in between.
BULLETIN..... I am watching TV while blogging and the news reported that one member of parliament was set on fire?! Wow that is news...... never happened in Singapore before....
Anyway, the year has started out pretty good for me. No major disasters and hopefully it sticks and stays that way from here onwards.
Job security is a worry with the economy going south but that is the same for most people, I guess.
This year, this year.... This year, I hope to do more that what I have achieved in the last two years. Get married (still sweating like hell), buy a house, start a new life (in the east, if possible), start a family (finally?), continue studying my Japanese.... Most of all, just trying to be happy and live a simple life..... with that special someone in toll.
Yes, I still don't think I always have the best of luck and I deserve more but honestly I won't complain if things remain uneventful, smooth sailing, simple, and happy for us.
Best of luck for the new year.
Monday, December 22, 2008
Different life, please
I was hoping that I would be able to blog about the upcoming trip to Malaysia. My first trip ever to Kuala Lumpur..... Thought it would be nice to see a different city, somewhere that I have not been to. Nope..... my life just won't let me, just won't let me.
Every other day I have to feel sorry for myself, asking myself why things have to happen the way they happened. I didn't do anything to the GPS that would have caused the unit to die. I was just playing around with the software. That was all I did.....
Yes, I am unhappy. Yes, I pity myself. Yes, I just feel life is always finding ways to make my life less than optimal. I hate myself. I hate my life. Every time I try to encourage myself and say I am not the worst, something like this had to happen. Yeah, it could have happened to anyone but why on an item that was specially purchased from halfway across the globe? And so near to the day I need to use it? Over-reacting on my part? I don't know. It is not the GPS, it is things in general. Shit had to happen to me.
Still have work and other stuff lurking in the dark and just getting ready to bite me too.
Happy birthday..... Hope life is worth living for the new year....
Every other day I have to feel sorry for myself, asking myself why things have to happen the way they happened. I didn't do anything to the GPS that would have caused the unit to die. I was just playing around with the software. That was all I did.....
Yes, I am unhappy. Yes, I pity myself. Yes, I just feel life is always finding ways to make my life less than optimal. I hate myself. I hate my life. Every time I try to encourage myself and say I am not the worst, something like this had to happen. Yeah, it could have happened to anyone but why on an item that was specially purchased from halfway across the globe? And so near to the day I need to use it? Over-reacting on my part? I don't know. It is not the GPS, it is things in general. Shit had to happen to me.
Still have work and other stuff lurking in the dark and just getting ready to bite me too.
Happy birthday..... Hope life is worth living for the new year....
Monday, December 15, 2008
Depressing December....
I have not blogged for more than a month now. With many things happening around me, just didn't have the energy to blog at all.
First thing on my mind now is definitely the Japanese Language Proficiency Test that I finally set for in early Dec '08. Don't think I will pass but it also made me realise how far I am from ever becoming proficient in the language. It is almost 35 years to the day when I first saw the Japanese language. The Doraemon comics that I saw at Yaohan, was it? The curly language just captivated me and probably unconsciously seeded a desire to learn it one day. That one day was over 15 years when I first signed up for a Japanese language course and since then I have attempted to become proficient in that language without success. Just makes me so sad and disappointed. Good for nothing? Really, simple man simple dreams....... Can't even make the efforts to make this work for myself.
With the month of December drawing to a close soon, the year is coming to an end now. What a lousy and depressing year it has been for me. Work was really stressful where I subjected to numerous situations that really made me feel like resigning on the spot. At its peak, I probably felt like dying to spare myself the agony of all these work stress. Till this day, I still have that depressing feeling and desire to resign but don't have the courage to do so. Many people around me have gone on to better things except me. Just stuck in my job rotting away......
Luck has been the pits, probably the worst I have ever experienced in many years. I already had a couple of car accidents that caused me both time and money, both of which I can ill afford and on both occasions I was just the unlucky person at the wrong place and time. Really wonder why I was so "lucky" to be bestowed such experience? Lack of money luck is the other thing that bothered me tremendously. I only wanted to grow my money like everyone else but I have the Midas touch of shitty luck to lose money in whatever I invest in..... IMMEDIATELY. Sigh, no matter how I pray, my investments don't ever turn positive. Again, just my damn luck....
I just feel this year is just one super pathetic year in which nothing went right for me. I almost had another accident tonight. Everything was a blur when it happened but I recall how the out-of-control motorbike skidded into my lane and I was lucky to brake in time and not run over the rider.
Sigh.... Just hate it. I should stop writing lest I get too depressed and kill myself.... Will things finally go right for me next year? Or more of the same? Retrenchment in the plan? Who knows....
First thing on my mind now is definitely the Japanese Language Proficiency Test that I finally set for in early Dec '08. Don't think I will pass but it also made me realise how far I am from ever becoming proficient in the language. It is almost 35 years to the day when I first saw the Japanese language. The Doraemon comics that I saw at Yaohan, was it? The curly language just captivated me and probably unconsciously seeded a desire to learn it one day. That one day was over 15 years when I first signed up for a Japanese language course and since then I have attempted to become proficient in that language without success. Just makes me so sad and disappointed. Good for nothing? Really, simple man simple dreams....... Can't even make the efforts to make this work for myself.
With the month of December drawing to a close soon, the year is coming to an end now. What a lousy and depressing year it has been for me. Work was really stressful where I subjected to numerous situations that really made me feel like resigning on the spot. At its peak, I probably felt like dying to spare myself the agony of all these work stress. Till this day, I still have that depressing feeling and desire to resign but don't have the courage to do so. Many people around me have gone on to better things except me. Just stuck in my job rotting away......
Luck has been the pits, probably the worst I have ever experienced in many years. I already had a couple of car accidents that caused me both time and money, both of which I can ill afford and on both occasions I was just the unlucky person at the wrong place and time. Really wonder why I was so "lucky" to be bestowed such experience? Lack of money luck is the other thing that bothered me tremendously. I only wanted to grow my money like everyone else but I have the Midas touch of shitty luck to lose money in whatever I invest in..... IMMEDIATELY. Sigh, no matter how I pray, my investments don't ever turn positive. Again, just my damn luck....
I just feel this year is just one super pathetic year in which nothing went right for me. I almost had another accident tonight. Everything was a blur when it happened but I recall how the out-of-control motorbike skidded into my lane and I was lucky to brake in time and not run over the rider.
Sigh.... Just hate it. I should stop writing lest I get too depressed and kill myself.... Will things finally go right for me next year? Or more of the same? Retrenchment in the plan? Who knows....
Monday, November 10, 2008
Declining health
Physically I just feel so weak nowadays. I don't know what's going on or why but feeling very exhausted at the end of the day, like I need to sleep throughout the night to recoup.
Divestiture......
Learnt a new word today..... Divestiture.
My current company has decided to realign its business towards its new focus/mission on human and environmental health and in the process has announced plans to diversify those non-aligned part of the organisation. While I can't say I was surprised to hear that or rather I have guessed as much since I learned of the new company strategy last week, I don't really know I should react.
If the company gets spun off will that mean re-structuring will follow soon enough? Do I have to start looking for a new job now? If I do get retrenched, will I really be happy with the compensation package and not feel stressed that I will never find another job that pays as much? What about the other members of my department? Should I hope for the best or should I start planning for an exit plan right now?
The first thoughts that came to my mind was whether I will have enough money to buy a house and start a family. Tough...... Probably all my dream of a nice house in the east will be just that, a dream that cannot be fulfilled.....
Am I worry too much? Probably but that's just me.
My current company has decided to realign its business towards its new focus/mission on human and environmental health and in the process has announced plans to diversify those non-aligned part of the organisation. While I can't say I was surprised to hear that or rather I have guessed as much since I learned of the new company strategy last week, I don't really know I should react.
If the company gets spun off will that mean re-structuring will follow soon enough? Do I have to start looking for a new job now? If I do get retrenched, will I really be happy with the compensation package and not feel stressed that I will never find another job that pays as much? What about the other members of my department? Should I hope for the best or should I start planning for an exit plan right now?
The first thoughts that came to my mind was whether I will have enough money to buy a house and start a family. Tough...... Probably all my dream of a nice house in the east will be just that, a dream that cannot be fulfilled.....
Am I worry too much? Probably but that's just me.
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