Doubting one's worth and ability

Came back home early on a Saturday 'cos my dear went for an evening appointment with her friends. Well, logged in and saw her blog invitation. I went reading what she wrote and finally read the article about the unfortunate incident during our Dec road trip.

Nothing about the article but rather reading the comments by her friends (and such), it is definite that she is held in high regards by them. Smart and articulate, I would summarise. Being the self doubting soul that I am, wondered if her friends will look down on me. I am super nothing, frankly. Nothing great about me that would wow anyone.

Really, I would hate it if I ever learn of comments that are akin to me not being good enough for her. What would I do if I do learn of such comments? Recluse myself farther and farther into my own world and not interact with them? Likely?

Really, this self-doubt thing is really not good but my mind is very good at playing games and painting all sort of negative scenarios, even from something as innocuous as her blog entry. Strange. Well, the only way to eradicate that is to raise my self esteem; to make myself realise that everyone has their strengths and weaknesses.

The new Chinese New Year is almost upon us and I will make a conscious effort to make this a good one for both of us. If I bring her happiness, in turn I will earn happiness....

Damn lazy

My Dear asked me why I am not been blogging recently. Well, I have been either engaged in other stuff (work, vacation etc) or damn lazy.

Nowadays, with her in my life, I don't have that much time to blog anyway. Yeah, I still have lots to say but probably less enthusiastic to blog them. Not that I am less excited about life or her but I am essentially more occupied now. Bad thing? Am I complaining? Not at all..... just happily being occupied by her and everything else.

Rather than worrying about being alone or my work, I probably spend more time worrying about her and stuff, with a few arguments embedded in between.

BULLETIN..... I am watching TV while blogging and the news reported that one member of parliament was set on fire?! Wow that is news...... never happened in Singapore before....

Anyway, the year has started out pretty good for me. No major disasters and hopefully it sticks and stays that way from here onwards.

Job security is a worry with the economy going south but that is the same for most people, I guess.

This year, this year.... This year, I hope to do more that what I have achieved in the last two years. Get married (still sweating like hell), buy a house, start a new life (in the east, if possible), start a family (finally?), continue studying my Japanese.... Most of all, just trying to be happy and live a simple life..... with that special someone in toll.

Yes, I still don't think I always have the best of luck and I deserve more but honestly I won't complain if things remain uneventful, smooth sailing, simple, and happy for us.

Best of luck for the new year.